Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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