what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
