Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
