I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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