Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
time to smoke my breakfast
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
