That's intense
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
