he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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