Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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