i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
