I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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