I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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