We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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