the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
