I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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