I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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