i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
