Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize