You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
