I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize