Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
