Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
