3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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