i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
