I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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