Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
