There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
