there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
