I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
