I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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