Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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