i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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