Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
