Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
