I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
