I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
