please come you make the beer taste better
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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