He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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