A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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