Welp...herpes.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
