I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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