I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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