bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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