do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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