Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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