and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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