Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
