you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
