i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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