Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
