I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
