I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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