I CAN MOONWALK!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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