she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
