Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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