Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
