I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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