Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you win again, gameday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
