Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
