saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
