i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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