i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
