I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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