Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
