She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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