the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
