But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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