the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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