I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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