Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
