Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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