She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
