When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
