Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
