Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
