I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
not ubering you a puppy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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