Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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