Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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