I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We need to get me chipped asap
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
