I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
