Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
