ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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