stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
