dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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