I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
