I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
