Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
