Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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